The Sex Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to exceptionally hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, excitement, love, nearness, and wellness .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is additional hints easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent her response the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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