The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .

However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in urban locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay men wish to discover from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I think this is read this article a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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